Projectplanb’s Weblog

My Plan B: Berlin-Helsinki

The „Plan B”

I sit here and look out of the window . It is a little rainy and everything is grey. The time seems to run out always when I need it. Memories. Jenny is singing. Music in my head and heart. Sometimes a sudden sorrow can hit you in the biggest moment of happiness. Just like now.

Imagine that you are in a car with a group of people that you don’t know, you are about 16 years old and this is your first youth exchange. How exciting everything is, how cool it is the whole concept, the people, travelling alone, the cute boys… You are in Germany, at the edge of Berlin in a place that will be your home with many many other people for two weeks and this place is called „Fuchsbau”.  Within two weeks, the life that we all live together, comes to a point when none of us will forget the memories of the time together and makes all of us cry in the end. Well… at least I did.

It is two o`clock at night. You are soaking wet  and running towards the door of a big house and just when you are about to enter, someone pours a hole bucket  of warm water all over  you. Just soaking cool… NOT. But for some reason, everyone is ok with this fact. And it’s probably because we are in Estonia, Haapsalu, the craziest place on the planet, when there are about 80 mad youngsters in one place and in the middle of it even crazier Helen Vinogradov and we are having a midnight water war. So now comes the thinking part: what if I hadn’t attended the camp in Berlin? I would have never met Helen, never gone to see what Romania is about; never had the time of my life, I would never have seen all this that has changed me to be the person that I am now. Even more – there wouldn’t be all that love, all these places, unigiri squares and many other things. We never know what life brings. Even if I was lucky it doesn’t mean that you can’t be the same. Just think about it, wish and wait a little. As I said, you never know what life brings. For example besides the best road trip of my life, it also brought the camp in Slovenia.

You are standing in the middle of a cabbage field and facing Elli. Florian and Albert are somewhere in the background, shooting us. None of us dies. We both say: „We will always have Paris” and we leave the field. The camera stops. And we go to have a nice swim in the spa.

This is not another surrealism workshop, although I have to admit that it is another workshop – the film workshop of  the camp in Lendava. In the final presentation it is funny and you are proud to see yourself on the screen, so many eyes of others on you. The feeling is great. People are hugging each other. And people hugging me so that the short pink mini skirt that I borrowed from Elli becomes a wide pink belt… Pause. This time it is about working. The camp is about working and meeting old friends and trying to save the emotions and memories in the fear of not seeing each other again, as no one knows when and how. So you learn to share, to wait, to be patient, to help, to ask, to care, to create, to talk, to make friends and most of all – to be.

Heikki is yelling from the balcony: „Juhhuuuuu!” and you are in the middle of all these people with whom you have lived in Meriharju for the past two weeks and they all are laughing. You are in the middle of them, lying on the floor and laughing with them. You feel happy and something squeezes your heart. It’s this „I-hate-to-leave-feeling” again. But the more it presses on your heart, the bigger the feeling seems. You, yourself, feel big.  You never know what life brings. And let us not forget to be thankful for it. Thank you all.

The „plan B” has always been there. Wherever is there, whenever is where ever. Its how you are, how you feel, how you think and want to be out of „plan A” . You let yourself go, wish and wait a little and you do what you really want and you go where you are meant to go. You share yourself or your memories.  This is my „plan B”. I am where I am meant to be, I did what I wanted to do and I shared some of my memories just to say, that this is why „plan B” has always been there. Because I have always wanted it.

You sit here and look out of the window. It is a little rainy and everything is grey. The time seems to run out always when you need it. Memories. Music in your head and heart. Sometimes a sudden sorrow can hit you in the biggest moment of happiness. Just like now.

Mia (Spain/Estonia)

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